I’m back! But I have to be honest with you – I’m not really here. No, I left my mind and my heart wandering around Southeast Asia.
I was ready to come home after nearly eight months away, but I also knew not long after I got here I’d be ready to leave again. It’s not necessarily that the grass is greener on the other side (it’s not), it’s that I will always want to equally enjoy both sides.
Yeah, yeah. I know. I can’t have my cake and eat it too, right?
Wrong. I refuse to understand that saying.
I know I’ve never let a gooey slice of chocolate cake sit in front of me without devouring it. Have you? Hell, sometimes I even go for seconds.
So in this case, I might do just that. I came home because I wanted to and because it was time, but I might dip my fork into a tantalizing and scrumptious slice of life yet again.
Before I left for Thailand, the plan was to start graduate school upon my return, should I be accepted to Colorado State University (I was!). However, I was forced to contemplate the reality of this decision while eating fresh fruit crepes for breakfast on the banks of the Mekong River in one of the most beautiful cities I’ve ever stepped foot in (Luang Prabang, Laos), and I came to the conclusion that I’m not yet ready to be a full time student again.
First, I want to stand in front of those classroom desks for another year before I have to sit behind one for two; I want another piece out of this life before I start another.
As much as I love chocolate though, I might try a new flavor next time (South Korea? Peru? Hong Kong?), while allowing myself to double dip in my tried and true favorite (Thailand) if my new choice doesn’t taste quite right.
After I printed, signed, scanned and emailed my (”one time only”) deferral request to the all too understanding staff at CSU’s English Department (I still plan to study for a M.A. in English, focused on creative nonfiction writing, with an ultimate goal of teaching writing at the university level, which means an eventual Phd, and a really, really long road once I finally commit), I boarded an overnight bus to Vientiane, and wondered if I had made the right decision.
The girl sitting next to me must have sensed my doubt when I told her my dilemma because she offered this advice from her family in Israel: You can’t eat a slice of cake and expect it to remain whole.
Now there’s a metaphor with some truth to it.
Maybe I’ll just eat the whole damn cake.
Over the next couple of months I will be catching up up with photos and stories from my last two months of traveling while I contemplate my next step.
Readers, where should I teach next?
I’m Having My Cake & Eating it Too